A letter to my younger self

 

 

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Dear Tishana,

So you are currently 16, and you know God to a good extent, but you haven’t really built a solid relationship with Him yet. So you don’t yet understand how badly you need God, what you mean to Him and what He wants for you. You don’t yet know how badly you need to rely on God’s love alone and how much it will cost you and damage you if you don’t. How I wish I could have told you to just stop and pause and receive God’s love first, instead of you focusing on receiving love from people. How I wish I could have showed you God’s word and drilled into your heart how much He loves you; and that He alone is enough to define you, when you were judging yourself based on the lack of love people gave you.

So I am writing this to tell you that you are so deeply loved by God. In fact He loves you more than you could ever imagine; and you need to know this before you move forward in life. You need to know that God loves you so much that despite your sin and wickedness, He doesn’t want to condemn you, He just wants you to come home and experience the fullness of His love. He loves you so much that He knows every detail about you, He even cares to know the number of hairs on your head and all of your innermost thoughts and desires (Psalm 139:1-4). In fact He loves you so much that He loved you before you were even born and will love you for eternity. God’s love for you is completely undeserved and unearned, yet it is never-ending for you (Romans 5:8)! And you want to rely on a man, a friend or a family member to love you in a way that only God can love you? Please, begin to accept God’s love for you and let Him fill you up, define you and make you whole, before you ever date someone or wonder why some people ever treated you the way they did.

You want someone to never leave your side and be your rock? Well God says He wants to be the foundation and the stability that you seek (Psalm 18:2). You want someone to love you despite your ‘flaws’? Well God says ‘you don’t even need to ask me to love you, because I am love and will love you whether or not you choose to receive it or believe it’ (1 John 4:7-10). You want someone to give you confidence and give you a reason to believe in yourself? Well God is saying ‘let me work on you, and I will finish the good work I started in you (Philippians 1:6), and I will lift you up into the fullness of who I called you to be in me’. You want someone to make you happy? Well God says ‘come to me and I will not only give you happiness, but I will give you joy!’ In fact, Jesus is saying ‘come to me, and my living waters will sustain you and fulfil you forever’ (John 4: 10, 13-14). Now, try and tell me how humans could ever do all of this for you?

God says you are beyond beautiful. God calls you a masterpiece. He says you are worth more than rubies. He calls you His very own special possession. His word says you are beautiful and without a flaw. His word says that He wants us to know His love and His word alone is more than enough to fill you and define you. So please, believe in His word, rely on His love, and don’t stop praying and affirming yourself with His word until you truly believe in God’s love for you and believe that you are what He says you are. So that no matter what people may say, no matter who leaves, no matter which guy may decide to treat you as an option or suddenly cast you aside, you KNOW you are a prized possession in God’s eyes and love yourself enough to walk away and remain confident in the Lord.

Now please, understand that not only does God love you, but God chases after you! God doesn’t just want you to encounter Him one day by chance, but He is CHASING you down. He is jealous for your heart and deeply saddened when you choose the temporary love of a human over the everlasting love He can give you. God chases the 1 lost sinner who is yet to repent, despite already having 99 children in His midst who have already repented, as He wants ALL of his children to experience ALL of His love. Do you realise what this means? That despite how underserving we are of His love and grace, and how magnificent and sovereign He is, He chases us and yearns for us to know Him, as if we are even worthy of coming into His presence. He sent His one and only son to die on the cross so that we could come back to Him, and we mocked Jesus, the sacrifice that saved mankind from death and hell; and God STILL chases us! He tore the veil that separated us from His presence, so that we could have access to Him forever in spite of our sin (Matthew 27: 50-51). Yet He chases us! He chases HIS OWN CREATION, waiting to be allowed into our hearts to water the seed of His word, as if we will ever be pure enough vessels that deserve the honour of glorifying Him. And He keeps knocking at our doors with everything we need in His hands, knowing that we will continue to fall short of His glory. He just wants you to open your door and let Him love you; work on you; free you from your chains; and have His way in your life. So please, stop being so caught up in the world, what others think and who doesn’t love you. Turn to God now, for He is all you will ever need. Focus on being content in God’s love and meditating on His word, and stop relying on the conditional love of humans that will never be enough for you.

Spend time with yourself, focus on God alone and use your younger years to be intentionally single and discover the entirety of all God has called you to be. There is a difference between being single and seeking a partner, compared to being single and seeking God, wanting no distractions until you have found God entirely. Choose the latter. Discover who you are and your God given purpose. Pray; fast; read your Bible; find a church to call your home; find wiser counsel; and just purposefully grow in the Lord. Analyse yourself and cast your burdens onto God, let Him heal you, free you, make you whole and lead you whilst you are young; so that you don’t blindly live a life of brokenness and spiritual poverty.

Discover what God wills for the single woman, what you can do whilst you are single compared to the life of a married women, and take advantage of the gift of singleness you are walking in (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). Discover the aspects of your character that need work and hand them to God to have His way. Discover the kind of wife you want to be and pray that you are able to grow into the wife you need to be in a Godly relationship that serves God, at the appointed time. Understand what a Christian marriage is supposed to be, that you are supposed to glorify God in your marriage more than you did in your single life. Decide to wait for God’s best and nothing less regarding the man God will later place in your life. Know that God doesn’t give you a husband as a reward for being a ‘great Christian’, but instead know that more of God Himself in your life is your reward for serving Him. Know that your husband should pull you closer to God, not replace God’s position in your heart or distract you from your God-given purpose and lead you into sin. You have so much to learn about God, so many assignments for His glory to carry out, so much of His love to experience, so many sides of God to discover! So choose God now, and I promise you, you will never turn back. As the world will never ever fulfil you, sustain you or ever compare to what God is longing for you to accept from Him, the gift of His unconditional yet undeserved love.

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